Moms Network

 

Are You Okay?: Caring for Yourself in the Midst of Stress
Marla Tomazin shares seven strategies that will help you to focus on your own
well-being—and to feel a little bit better—in the midst of one of life’s rough patches.

          New York, NY (June 2013)—Everyone goes through rough spots in life—it’s an unfortunate but unavoidable fact. You might feel worried about an upcoming move, overwhelmed as you try to deal with an illness in your family, or anxious about a looming project at work. Maybe you’re simply worn down by the never-ending stress and relentlessly hectic pace of modern life. If so, you’re not alone.

“I can sympathize—I went through a rough spot myself recently,” says Marla Tomazin, who has been an image consultant for twenty years after earlier experience in the fashion industry.

“Due to several different factors, I was extremely busy for several months,” she explains. “When I’m under pressure, I become stressed (no surprise there, I imagine!) and feel ‘wired,’ meaning that I go to sleep later at night and wake up early each morning. And, of course, because I’m perpetually tired, I tend to worry more about significant and insignificant things. Not a very healthy cycle to be caught in.”

After one particularly crazy day, Tomazin says, it occurred to her that she should take her own advice.

“When I’m working with clients, I focus not just on outward appearance but on the whole mind-body-spirit connection,” she shares. “I always urge my clients to take care of and honor themselves in all situations, but especially when life is chaotic. If you don’t focus on your own well-being when times are tough, you won’t have the mental, emotional, or physical energy you need to change external circumstances for the better, either.”

Here, Tomazin shares a few taking-care-of-yourself strategies that have been helpful to her, and that you can put into practice to help you make it through the next rough spot in your life, too.

Realize that things will get better. When you’re in the midst of a tough time, it’s easy to believe that things will never change. But sooner or later, there’s always a light at the end of the tunnel. No matter how you feel right now, the truth is that you won’t be stressed, anxious, or overwhelmed for the rest of your life.

“Think back on past obstacles you’ve overcome to give yourself motivation to press on and ask a trusted friend or family member to help you put your current struggle into perspective,” Tomazin suggests. “This last strategy is particularly effective because not only will sharing your burden help to lighten it; the other person might be able to help you think of solutions you were unable to see on your own.”

Hydrate. Drinking water might seem a little odd at first glance, but it’s actually one of the best things you can do to keep yourself looking and feeling good when you’re under stress. Staying hydrated helps you stay energized, ensures that your body operates optimally, and can even improve the appearance of your skin (a welcome gift when you’re worried and tired!).

“Personally, I drink a quart of water every morning, and I carry a bottle with me throughout the day,” Tomazin says. “I can tell that it makes a difference!”

Exercise. Working out is often the last thing you want to do when life is tough. (Flopping onto the couch probably sounds a lot more attractive!) But the truth is, even a little bit of physical activity can work wonders in terms of how you feel. Exercise makes you feel more capable mentally and physically. It can help you sleep better, reduce feelings of stress, and even relieve symptoms of depression as effectively as medication.

“In other words, a half-hour at the gym or a walk around the block is one of the best decisions you can make,” Tomazin asserts. “That’s why, no matter how busy or unmotivated I am, I commit to working out at least two days a week.”

Give yourself credit. When you’re upset or worried about one aspect of your life, those feelings can easily spill over into your general attitude and outlook. You start looking at your whole life through a negative lens, and you might start to focus on the mistakes you’ve made and the things you could have done better.

“If that sounds familiar, stop!” Tomazin urges. “Think of one, or two, or ten or twenty things you’ve done well in the recent past and give yourself credit for accomplishing them. Remember, nobody is even remotely close to perfect. Don’t make a tough situation even worse by remaining your own worst critic.”

Prioritize. Especially when you’re feeling overwhelmed or stressed, it’s tempting to fixate on each shiny ball that rolls past instead of directing your energy and attention to the problem at hand. When your efforts are scattered, though, nothing gets done, and you end up feeling even more frazzled than you did at first. Remember, you can focus only on one or two big goals at a time, no matter how adept you are at multitasking.

“As you work through the next rough spot in your life, sit down and decide what is most important to you,” Tomazin recommends. “If spending time with your family is at the top of your list, for example, put them first and consciously make sure that other things remain on the back burner.”

Say no. Many of us have trouble saying no for a variety of reasons: We don’t want to let others down, we don’t want to be seen as weak, we’re afraid to refuse, etc. However, until you learn to say no when you need to, you’ll never be in the driver’s seat of your own life, and it will be more difficult to steer yourself out of draining, stressful situations.

“Realize that you don’t have to do it all—nor should you,” Tomazin points out. “You don’t have to make every decision, supervise every person’s schedule, chair every event, host every party, and come to the rescue every time something goes wrong. Again, decide ahead of time what’s most important to you and prioritize those things. Then you can feel okay about saying no to some of the rest and focus on working toward your own well-being.”

Take time for yourself. Whether the current demands on your energy and time are coming from your family, your job, your friends, your finances, or something else, it’s important to “get away” every so often—literally or at least metaphorically.

“To make sure that you don’t become too drained and burned out, do something for yourself,” Tomazin urges. “Maybe it’s sitting down to enjoy a cup of coffee in the midst of running errands, locking the bathroom door and taking a bubble bath, reading a motivational book during your lunch break, or going on a walk through the park. When you unwind and take a breather, your perspective will stay clearer and your stress will be more manageable.”

“In the end, you can’t avoid going through rough times in life, but you can decide how to respond to them,” Tomazin concludes. “Remember that your own health and sanity are paramount, and most of all, have confidence that the sun will emerge from behind the clouds soon!”

# # #

About Marla Tomazin:
Marla Tomazin, Certified Image Consultant, established her image consulting business in 1990 with the goal of helping clients identify an authentic image and develop its effective expression. From a successful career in the fashion industry, Marla gained expertise in retail buying, merchandising, sales, and marketing. She began with May Company in Denver after earning a B.S. in Marketing from the University of Denver. Marla moved to New York where she worked with several well-known Seventh Avenue design firms. As she developed her business skills, Marla made a serendipitous discovery—an innate sense of style and facility for working with fabrics and colors to maximum advantage.

The progression to Certified Image Consultant was a natural transition. Marla utilizes her abilities in evaluating body shape, movement, and coloring as well as synthesizing optimal cuts, lines, colors, and textures. This results in balance and proportion that accentuate attributes and conceal flaws. Her clients include women, men, and corporations seeking external revitalization that mirrors their internal development.

For more information, please visit www.marlatomazin.com.

5 Tips from Former Businessman of the Year

People are overwhelmed with the complexities of their own lives and are desperately seeking a way to maximize happiness in their home and work lives, says Gary Kunath, an entrepreneur, speaker and former CEO who works with some of the world’s top corporations and business schools.

“I used to be caught up in the spin cycle of thinking that net worth automatically afforded me life worth,” says Kunath, a speaker at top business schools and author of “Life … Don’t Miss It. I Almost Did: How I Learned To Live Life To The Fullest,” (www.lifedontmissitbook.com).

“I sacrificed time with my family with the justification that I was providing necessary material things, but at a certain point you realize that money doesn’t make you rich, it just allows you to buy more stuff.”

Priorities for professionals have shifted; now, U.S. workers seek family wellbeing above all else, he says. Companies need to recognize that it’s imperative to positively affect their employees’ lives, both inside and outside working quarters, he says.

“We need to bring humanity back to business,” Kunath says. “Leading corporations are aware that most professionals today – 70 percent – would trade a pay raise for an increase in personal wellness.”

But employers are struggling with that, he says, citing a new American Psychological Association survey released in March in which 48 percent of employees say their employers don’t value a good work-life balance.

More professionals are trying to find a path to life worth, rather than centering their behavior on net worth, Kunath says. He offers five ways career-minded individuals can achieve both:

• Look for signs you’re falling into the net-worth trap: For Kunath, those signs were clear. One day, he says, “it was like someone had smacked me on the head,” when his son, then 12, walked away in dismay after Kunath said he couldn’t play baseball with him because he was too busy working on a business proposal. “The look of disappointment on my son’s face was something I will never forget,” he says. Kunath dropped everything and spent the day with his son. “I promised that would NEVER happen again”. The next occurrence included a mental and physical breakdown after Kunath pushed himself to make an unnecessary business trip while sick.  After a 19-hour ordeal in a delayed flight to Spain, “…I knew in my bones that if I did not draw the line right there … I would ruin every part of my life that mattered to me.”

• Don’t be an employee, be employable: Unless you are self-employed, you are always vulnerable to someone else controlling your professional destiny, and therefore, your life worth. But employees can empower themselves by diversifying their skills so that they can have more choices about where and for whom to work.

• Bad things happen to good people: Adversity finds us all. No one enjoys the worst, most painful moments of their lives. Nonetheless, life events like loss of a loved one, financial ruin, divorce, addictions or illness tend to define us. We need adversity in our lives. Anyone can be a rock star when life is perfect. But when adversity strikes, then the “real” you is revealed. How you face adversity can either extinguish you or distinguish you.

• Believe in something bigger than you: There will be times when you are utterly helpless, with no control over an outcome. All the money in the bank and all the authority at work will do no good when it comes to, for instance, the death of a loved one. Believing in something bigger than you is an important part of having life worth; it helps you maintain your emotional health when you face life’s biggest challenges.

• Don’t Major in the Minors: As Henry David Thoreau wrote, “The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it.” For every evening spent late in the office there are moments professionals miss out on – and can never get back. Many of us spend time on things that ultimately don’t matter. “The three greatest gifts you can give to your family are: Time, Memories and Tradition,” he says. “These are things in life that matter.”

About Gary Kunath

Gary Kunath is the founder of The Summit Group, which is ranked among the top sales-training companies in the world by Selling Power magazine. His value-creation approach received the “Innovative Practice of the Year Award” by 3M worldwide. He was named Businessman of the Year for the United States and was recognized a dinner hosted by the president of the United States. He has lectured extensively at several prominent business schools, and he is currently an adjunct professor at The Citadel’s Sports Marketing graduate program. Kunath is as an owner of several professional minor league baseball teams along with his partners, Bill Murray, Jimmy Buffet and Mike Veeck. The group is famous for managing its teams around the “Fun is Good” approach.

Bring home the bacon…or play “this little piggy”? Work outside the home and feel perpetually guilty and exhausted…or quit your job and feel perpetually broke (and exhausted)? For years, these were the tough choices mothers faced. Maybe we could do both—work and parent—but could we do both well? we wondered. It’s a question that, these days, seems positively antiquated, says Kimberley Clayton Blaine.

“Thanks to the Internet and to the skills we women have developed from our years in the workforce, we have more options than ever before,” says Blaine, licensed family and child therapist, mother of two boys, and author of The Go-To Mom’s Parents’ Guide to Emotion Coaching Young Children (Jossey-Bass/A Wiley Imprint, 2010, ISBN: 978-0-470-58497-2, $16.95, www.TheGoToMom.com). “More and more moms are crafting lives that have ample time for both work and family—and we’re doing it well.”

Such is the story of Blaine herself. A licensed family and child therapist, she spent many years dedicated to her career, working with small children and their families. But when she started a family of her own, things changed. Blaine wanted to spend more time at home with her own children, but she didn’t want to give up the career she loved and had worked so hard for. And, thanks to technology and her own business savvy, she didn’t have to.

Today, Blaine is an online powerhouse. As an accomplished author, social media maven, mom-blogger, and producer of a web channel dedicated solely to moms, she has become the go-to source for women everywhere. Widely touted as “the preschool whisperer” and known online as “The Go-To Mom,” Blaine has become a trusted source of valuable information and an expert that a lot of other mothers depend on.

So how did she rise to online-stardom status? The transition, she says, was natural.

“As a mother, I found myself online looking for answers to the questions I had,” explains Blaine, “and I also found myself looking to connect with other women and mothers like me. But I failed to find one place that encompassed all the things that I was looking for. So I decided to create it.”

As a licensed therapist, Blaine knew that she had something to offer. And as a social media-savvy woman, she knew that she had the tools necessary to connect with people. And for Blaine, the opportunity that working in a digital world has created has given her the chance to live the life she wants. She has the family time she desires and the career she always dreamed of. And the world, she says, is there for every mom’s taking right now. You just have to know how to go out there and take it.
Read on for ten tips that Blaine says will get you started on the path to your own dream job:

Find a need to fill. To get started, you’re going to want to make sure that your venture fills a need out in the existing market. Is it something that is different from what is out there already? Is it better, faster, bigger, more innovative? Consider these questions as you weigh the pros and cons of going out on your own. When Blaine started out, she saw a niche that needed filling—solid parenting advice in one, convenient place—that she was more than qualified to fill. Everyone has their own expertise, interests, or an eye for where something is missing. Tap into that to create your own success.

Test market your idea before you take the plunge. Before you drop everything (your steady paycheck included) and start your new venture, it’s a good idea to “test market” your idea. You would start out doing this work on the side before you resign. Get your first customer or at least some healthy interest before you take the full-time plunge.

Pay attention to your gut instincts. Some of the most successful businesses got their big break because they were on the cutting edge of a new trend. Take Kimberley, for example. When she first started her online venture, social media, like Twitter, wasn’t nearly as popular as it is now. And yet, that’s become one of her biggest outlets for making connections in the online community to drive traffic to her sites. At the time, it may have seemed to some that the time she devoted to Twitter was a waste of time, but she knew she was investing in something important. And today, that has paid off.

Figure out how to transfer your workplace skills to your new venture. Whether it’s people skills you’ve picked up in dealing with clients, marketing know-how, or even just your admirable work ethic, tap into that skill set and transfer it to your new venture.

Assemble a top-notch team. Approach your new business venture just like you would anything at your old job. As you are getting started, understand that you’ll have to serve as your own team for awhile, but down the line expect to do some hiring (and have a plan in place for it). During your early days as a one-man show, make sure you are always on the lookout for talent so that when you are ready to expand, you can hire the right team. For Kimberley, having the right team has been paramount to the success of her latest venture, MommyToMommy.TV.

Stay connected and engage your audience at all times. Social media is making it easier and more convenient than ever for mompreneurs to stay connected. Twitter and Facebook can keep you connected no matter where you are. You can blog and comment during naptime, or introduce a new product while you wait in the pick-up line at school. Blaine cautions that while staying connected is great, it often isn’t enough to take you to that next level. Go the extra step and engage in conversation with those you are connected with. That’s where the true rewards lie.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help. We all have our strengths when it comes to business. But that also means we all have our weaknesses as well. When it comes to the areas that are outside of your expertise, don’t hesitate to ask someone to help you. Kimberley surrounded herself with mentors and contacts for the areas of business that were not her strong suit, and she called on them when necessary.

Stay true to your brand. Don’t be quick to jump at the first opportunity that comes knocking. Stay true to who you are and what you know feels right. For example, Blaine was recently approached by a well-known brand to be a spokesperson. While the exposure would have been great, she didn’t feel right about the partnership, because it went against some of the values she had built her brand on, so she turned the opportunity away. Remember, the Internet is forever. Whatever you say and do online will never go away. Be wary of attaching your brand and your name to something that may not be right for you in the long run.

Go for the gusto. A big break can change everything. Just because you are going out on your own it doesn’t mean that you don’t deserve to be backed from the big players. Getting one big sponsorship can open the doors for plenty of other big opportunities, and it helps to legitimize your brand and give you some credibility. It took Kimberley three years of promoting her brand and showcasing her expertise before she landed large sponsorships like Sony, Vimeo, and Yahoo! And it took a lot of persistence on her part to get her foot in the door. Remember, companies are not going to come looking for your talent—YOU have to be the one to put it out there.

Realize that being a mompreneur won’t be easy. But if you’re doing it right, it will be exhilarating. Of course you’re going to get tired, and at times the work is going to pile up. That’s why it’s so important to feel passionate about what you’re doing. It’s knowing that you love your entire life—your kids, your customers, and all—that will keep you running the race.

“The mompreneur life doesn’t necessarily work for everyone, and it’s certainly not perfect,” Kimberley concludes. “I still have days that are stressful, and I still have moments when I feel like I’ll never get it all done. But I enjoy what I do so much that at times I forget I’m paid. And that’s how I know that I’m doing what I love to do and that I’m doing the right thing. Do what works for you and what makes you happy, and your own success story will begin to write itself right before your eyes.”

# # #

The Mommy-Business Mantra: Six Solutions for Staying Balanced
If you’re ready to take the plunge and make that dream job a reality, Kimberley Clayton Blaine, author of The Go-To Mom’s Parents’ Guide to Emotion Coaching Young Children (Jossey-Bass/A Wiley Imprint, 2010, ISBN: 978-0-470-58497-2, $16.95, www.TheGoToMom.com), suggests the following practical guidelines to help you stay sane.

Get your business affairs in order. Depending on the type of business you are starting, there will be steps you need to take to get yourself started. Meet with your financial advisor and talk through a plan for getting started (and having a cushion), write out your goals and plans for the next twelve months, set up email accounts, phone lines, or get your website up and running. If you start off on the right foot (instead of already behind), then you’ll be less likely to feel overwhelmed. And if you get most of the busy work and red tape behind you initially, you’ll have more time to concentrate on the important things—like getting your business off the ground and running!

Draw the line between your work life and home life. One of the biggest challenges for moms who choose to go out on their own is finding ways to keep their business and personal lives from constantly overlapping. If your office is at your kitchen table, then it can be easy to get distracted by dirty dishes. And likewise, if your business line is tied into your personal cell phone, it can be hard to focus on devoting your full attention to your kids during outings to the park. Even if it’s a small corner somewhere in your house, set up a workspace where you can devote yourself to working during your set hours. Set up an email account and phone line that are specific to the business (and not co-mingled with personal) and be sure to devote a space to important work documents, like bills and contracts, so that you can find them easily.

Get your spouse on board. While working from home and having a flexible schedule does allow more time for house chores than a traditional nine-to-five job, it may be hard for your spouse to understand that he won’t always come home to a perfectly clean house and dinner on the table. Just because you aren’t leaving the house to head to an office every day doesn’t mean that you won’t be doing work, and that can be a tough adjustment. Sit down and talk through the ways you can share responsibilities as you get your business started, and make sure he understands what your workday looks like.

Set a schedule…and stick to it. This goes for both your duties at home and your business. If you don’t set a schedule, you’ll find yourself harried and stressed and constantly trying to do too many things at one time. You can’t do good work if you’re trying to send emails and fix lunch at the same time…and you aren’t engaging your kids if you attempt to put a puzzle together while listening in on a conference call. Having a set time to work, just like working inside an office, will help you to get more accomplished without feeling so overwhelmed.

Accept that a 9-to-5 schedule just isn’t in the cards. In a more traditional office setting, you show up to work in the morning and when you leave in the evening, you leave. Kimberley finds that she can fit work into the hours that her children are at school, and once they are home, she sets work aside in order to be a mom full-time. And she also finds herself doing a lot of video editing in the late night or early morning hours when her kids are sleeping.

Remember, you have to be just as professional as everyone else. It’s important to remember that your business is just that: a business. And just because you are sending emails while wearing your pajamas, it doesn’t mean the code of business conduct you follow should be any different than if you were in an office wearing a nice suit. Be sure to follow the same rules and etiquette that you would if you were working inside an organization. Reply promptly and professionally to any emails or phone calls, proofread any documents, and address any customer complaints or concerns in a prompt, professional manner.

# # #

About the Author:
Kimberley Clayton Blaine, MA, MFT, is the executive producer of the online parenting shows www.TheGoToMom.TV and www.MommyToMommy.TV and author of The Go-To Mom’s Parents’ Guide to Emotion Coaching Young Children and The Internet Mommy.

Kimberley is a national child development expert and a licensed family and child therapist specializing in working with children newborn to six years old. Kimberley is currently the social marketing director for a Los Angeles-based early childhood mental health campaign (Project ABC) funded by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. She has launched a national campaign to help American parents be all that they can be in order to give their children a healthy and fair start. You might have seen Kimberley review products, discuss the perils of parenting, blog, vlog, and take on mommypreneurship across the Internet.

Her webshow, TheGoToMom.TV, has captured one of the largest growing niche audiences—parents who have children birth to seven—through professionally produced yet authentic and real educational videos. Currently, Kimberley is sponsored by Vimeo and Sony and is a member of the Yahoo! Motherboard team of bloggers. Kimberley lives in Los Angeles, California, with her husband and two young boys.

About the Book:
The Go-To Mom’s Parents’ Guide to Emotion Coaching Young Children (Jossey-Bass/A Wiley Imprint, 2010, ISBN: 978-0-470-58497-2, $16.95, www.TheGoToMom.com) is available at bookstores nationwide and from major online booksellers.